God who took the lard?

Soooooooooooo I’m standing over my before the war to end all wars, War War ll made by General Motors cooking range frying  ‘The New World Order’ water infused bacon this morning.

Stove still works fine. It has never taken a day off in all these years or needed a repairman or in today’s terms a technician.

I got to thinking. The bacon is shrinking and you have to fry up so much of it to have a bite or two that even the dog won’t eat it. Dogs are smarter than most people a great deal of the time.

Time is traveling by and my nice planned homemade bacon, egg and pancake breakfast is turning into brunch or as my husband calls it “blegin & cake” breakfast.

In the old days when my stove was new people out here in my Forest all enjoyed a nice Breakfast, Dinner and Supper. Today we have in this new age of knowledge a more refined version of breakfast/brunch,  and dinner. I did not capitalize them since they don’t count for much these days.

The sleepy heads were still snoozing toward brunch so I decided I would ask God a question. God what happened to Lard?
I miss lard God and I miss bacon you know the kind I’m talking about God?  The big thick slices of bacon cut from a hunk of side pork wrapped in cheesecloth hanging on a hook in the smoke house.


It was called it side pork back then and I actually knew the hog it came from. My goodness when frying up a pound of the good stuff it took an entire platter to hold it all not this little crapper of a desert looking plate these days. Well, the package that it came in didn’t actually say pound I confess it said twelve ounces. Are you listening God?

God where did the pound go?

And God what’s with eggs these days? They are all egg whites and have tiny little yolks. I like my eggs with big yolks you know from hens that eat bugs and such. Then there’s the cows for milk where’s the grassland God for the cows to graze?

The only thing that round-up hasn’t killed is the ragweed that makes me sneeze. Poor cows are all locked up eating Monsanto grown corn and strung out on extra hormones and such wishing they could all have been born buffalo and living somewhere in the black hills of South Dakota. If I were a milking cow that’s what I would be thinking.

Now God what’s up with the flour these days?

When I was a child it was up to my pappy’s shoulders come harvest time. Boy ole boy when you took it to the mill for them to grind it was real flour you got back.


It was grand back then God  before the wheat met the laboratory scientist’s who made it grow shorter than a midget in the so called effort to feed more of us folks.

I’m here God in front of my Frigidaire made only by General Motors cook range with the big four burners and the warming drawer, the large oven and the bottom you pull out to store your cast iron cooking pots,  pans and such.  Are you listening God?


Hello Child this is God speaking!!

I can tell you what you need to know but first you must leave and go to the nearest restaurant chain serving by various names the grand slam all you can eat breakfast/brunch. Don’t forget to get the hash browns with all the toppings, order eggs, bacon and the all you can eat pancakes.

Child make sure you get several orders of any assortment of petroleum based corn syrup infused glazed fruit toppings of your choice. Have them put on extra of the chemically treated real artificial whipped cream topping.

Do these worldly things Dear One and I’ll see you soon and tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Oh, by the way Child I’m glad you kept your wonderful ol’ cook stove. Not many have you know! If you would like to stay a while longer upon the earth visiting with me over your wonderful ol’ cook stove  leave your near the city swamp infested  Forest and return to the  Valley of your birth. Set your hand to the good earth and once again plant the seeds I gave to humankind in the beginning.


Live long and prosper!!


Love from God!!

ps:  I’ll call for you up here when I’m ready Child but for now consider yourself still under construction!


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